Where did this start?

When I think about what landmark event started my path to disillusion there really wasn't one. Throughout my life there have always been questions. Why did early leaders practice polygamy? Why was the church historically racist? Why does the church so strongly discourage deep research into non correlated church history (otherwise labeled as anti-Mormon literature)? Why did Joseph Smith copy so much of the temple ceremony from masonry? How is church money spent? Why is the "most perfect and true church" so secretive about it's finances? These questions among others were always glazed over and "put on the shelf" so to say. The response was so often comments such as "God knows" or "we will learn all of these things in due time".  All I needed to do was read my scriptures, pray and have faith. These responses never really satisfied my inquisitive mind.

What it comes down to is truth. For some reason we allow religion to have the least amount of testing to validate truth. In the LDS church, truth comes down to the spirit which is a personal feeling you get confirming the truth- just as Moroni promised in the Book of Mormon. But why do millions of other people get similar "burning in their bosom" type feelings in regards to their specific faiths? Why do I get that feeling when I see an American flag raised while hearing the national anthem? What it comes down to is that we are human and our minds and emotions are fallible. Using a simple emotional response is not a valid test of truth, particularly when our emotions are susceptible to confirmation bias.  What it comes down to is that truth is truth. Profound I know. Truth doesn't need apologetics, excuses or outlandish reasoning. Truth won't change. My goal is to find the truth. 

Some of my favorite quotes that relate to my search are below. I the antagonistic part of me enjoys using church leaders' own words against themselves but either way you look at it they ring true. 

"Each of us has to face the matter - either the Church is true, or it is a fraud. There is no middle ground. It is the Church and kingdom of God, or it is nothing."  

     ~Gordon B. Hinckley

“We should gather all the good and true principles in the world and treasure them up, or we shall not come out true Mormons.” 

     ~ Joseph Smith

“One of the grand fundamental principles of Mormonism is to receive truth. Let it come from where it may.” 

     ~ Joseph Smith

“The fundamental principle that has guided my religious life is that I need believe only what is true. The gospel is the truth as learned or discovered by whatever means and tools I can lay my hand or mind on.” 

     ~ Henry Eyring

And one of my favorites:
"Some things that are true are not very useful"
     ~ Boyd K. Packer