I wasn't sure what the best way was to accumulate my thoughts as I make the transition through disaffection with the LDS church so I have decided to use this blog as my own personal journal and record of my journey. I am sure the likelihood of drawing much attention or commentary from my posts is very minimal but my posts will certainly be very therapeutic in their own right.
Right now I am terrified. I am terrified that when I "come out" about my non-belief to my wife, family and friends that my life will end. Funny thing is that to some extent I feel like I finally can relate to how someone must feel when they "come out" with their sexuality and this has given me great empathy trhat I didn't have before. In regards to disaffection with the church, it is not comforting to hear the horror stories of other people who lose their wife, kids, friends, jobs and pretty much everything they have and love. This is why for now I wil post in annonimity.
I was born "in the covenant" here in Utah and aside from my two year mission I have always lived here. I had a good upbringing and I do have a loving family. I have a wife and kids that I love and hope that when they know what I really believe they will still love me. Unfortunately, the Mormon culture historically has shown that the so called "gospel of love" tears families apart when a family member no longer fits the mold. I know I generalize with this issue but no matter how much faith I have in the love of my family I feel like I am playing Russian roulette with my life as I know it.
Anyway, I'll share my thoughts as I take this journey and hopefully the story will end well. Feel free to share your thoughts by leaving your comments.
Good luck. I have never been a Mormon but I just moved to utah and understanding the population of LDS here I can't imagine how tough this will.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. I am about to "come out" myself, and have been worrying how much I will miss some of my friends and the bigger part, my kids' respect. I don't worry as much for my husband - if he doesn't love me as is, he can go! He's never lived the gospel like a mormon is supposed to anyway, so he doesn't get to judge me! And about the Gay similarity, I also totally agree! I actually converted to the church at 19. My story coming in was just like my friend's when he was at the same time coming out as gay. I have never forgotten that and for that reason have never been able to be anti-gay marriage. Anyway, just starting your blog but it seems more to my taste than any other. Thanks!
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